"A nonhuman or Alterhuman self-identifier to describe one’s identity being caused by, rooted in, or greatly influenced by [a] delusion." (babydog)

as someone with schizotypal personality disorder, i'm prone to magical thinking, delusions, and a strange perception of myself and my body.

i don't consider consensus reality to be the only one that's valid, and i also have a more fluid idea of what can be an identity, or can be chosen. my main example is that i will often consider myself to be physically nonhuman. sometimes this is a delusion, but more often, it's a sort of political belief. the category "human" is arbitrary. people have removed humanity from my ancestors, people like me, and myself, without any change to our bodies. if i can be dehumanized against my will, i can decide to be nonhumanized.

my primary delusional identity is a changeling, specifically a xanin. i'd explain how it works, but it doesn't really make sense. if i could "prove" it, it wouldn't be a delusion. i just have a knowledge that i'm not human. i can double bookkeep fine--i know the traits of my changelinghood can be explained by human experiences.

my large, focused, dark eyes are from genetics and autism. my soft and stretchy skin and unnatural movement is from hEDS. my weird manner of speech is from schizotypy. my feelings of being 'different' come from everything about me.

i'm aware of that when i'm delusional, and i'm aware of it when i'm not. it doesn't change much, though. when you're delusional, you can't be persuaded, no matter how self aware you are. when i'm not, those traits still factor into my identity--i'm still a changeling endel/'kind when i'm fully lucid, i'm just not a delusional changeling all the time.

my other endel is being dead. i have very transient cotard's delusion, a delusional misidentification of the self where one believes that one's body, soul, or a piece of one's body is dead. when i'm dead, there aren't many specifics. i know how i died, and i know when: may 25th, 2022. but i don't know if my body's dead, if my soul is, if i'm in purgatory, or if people just haven't noticed i died. when i'm dead, i don't really care.

when i'm alive, i'm definitely curious about the specifics of my cotard's, but when i'm dead, i'm not interested in anything. it's a very nihilistic way to be. lucky for me, i'm a tiny bit of a hedonist, so i still eat for comfort & pleasure when im dead enough to stay alive. and i'm never dead for very long--i think the most was 9 hours.